June 30th and July 1st are the best days to see Venus and Jupiter come together in the night skies. Both are usually bright and can be seen on a clear night, but when they conjunct - seeming to join - their luminescence will be gorgeous! Venus in Leo is a mix that loves to express itself and can have a regal or dramatic appearance - think glamour. They love themselves and they adorn themselves with beautiful clothing, jewellery and surroundings. They can be demanding of their spotlight and will hold that space to entertain or lead others - if they want to of course. Jupiter in Leo will act even more magnanimously. Jupiter expands anything it touches, so in Leo this exaggerates the traits we all know as Leo - funny, witty, centre of attention, performer, actor, courageous and bold, risk taker to a degree, confident, brassy, here I am world! When these two come together you have a very high vibration of optimism and nobility possible. We may see a double life of the party energy, a sense we can do something above and beyond our usual capacity, an expansive feeling that can promote bold actions and generosity. At any rate it is a lovely aspect and I wish everyone a positive manifestation this week.
June 21st the Sun moves into Cancer for the solstice, the birth of summer. Do you know much about this mystical sign ? You will feel it soon enough with the Sun, Mercury and Mars in the sign. Cancers are said to be the deepest of all the signs. They represent the Imum Coeli - the bottom of the chart. Cancers will FEEL their way through every situation. They remember or are imprinted with stories, news, information in an emotional and photographic memory type of way. They may not be able to cough up the dates and times or facts of a situation, but they WILL remember all the subtle nuances of the situation and will have empathy for the people involved, have imagined what it's like to walk in the other's shoes, and will have synthesized their assessment based on all these levels combined. Sound complex ? they are! Cancer is the sign of the Mother. Men and women are parental toward others. They are either the child or the parent in every situation - not as easily the equal. They need to nurture and be nurtured.
Cancers are known for their distaste of conflict as well. So when Mars -planet of action, passion and aggression- is in this feminine sign, it isn't comfortable or well expressed. Cancer will hold everything inside until they blow up, flip out, panic or cry etc. They won't just tell you straight up like an Aries, or Capricorn. They won't be diplomatic or weighing all sides like a Libra. They will absorb all the data and emotion, hold it all in and mull it over as to how best to help or save the situation without conflict. Sometimes they achieve it. They can artfully show so much tenderness that it can diffuse a fight. Or, if this fails, they just might go from calm to super diva - scolding or listing everything they have kept in the storehouse unsaid.
Mars in Cancer is deep and indirect. Like the crab in Nature, it moves sideways. This says everything about their conflict and communication style, as well as the way they go about getting what they want. They don't go for it directly - they manipulate the situation to suit their needs...very well. It can take a long while to see through this aspect because at first they will make you feel that you wanted the same thing they do, or that you were consulted...but you really weren't. They feel out all sides, and suggest things here and there, maybe use a splash of subtle guilt, and voila! it all happens on their schedule. It's sort of like the more sophisticated version of watching your cat sniff all around the room feigning curiosity when you KNOW they are coming for your plate.
To really make he best use of a period of Mars in Cancer, its' good to remember that people will be emotionally motivated. They will have an agenda and won't say it outright. They will be needing more care and tenderness than usual, and may also be willing to give this more than usual as well. Philosophical conversations are more possible as they love to delve deeply into a subject - in privacy with someone they trust. Intimacy is the nicer possibility of this aspect. If you are dealing with someone who is being outright manipulative or passive aggressive though - and you surely will during this transit at some point - the best solution is to state your boundaries clearly and quickly, in a easy going casual tone at first. Be friendly but don't allow any games to start that will be hard to untangle later.
Neptune is also retrograde now for the next six months, making this a summer of delving deeper and trusting our intuition to guide us more than ever.
This new moon in Gemini is special because Mars is in Gemini as well as the Sun and Moon! Gemini is a curious fellow. They have to know what's current, who's with whom, the latest facts on global warming, and they have to keep up with all the ideas in their heads.
This sign wants to do five things at once and is usually able to pull it off.
They know many people and can adapt to whoever they are with, which then becomes exhausting so they need down time. It can be extreme to those who want to be close to them. Social butterfly and then cave man.
We may find our own dual nature comes up to be seen when these planets align. We all have our masks. Those times we have to be ON for work, or perform in some way. We may want to examine them for the New Moon period and adjust how much we play roles that no longer fit.
We will also want to watch for our aggressive side with Mars as well. Mars and the Moon together can be very passionate, moody or downright bitchy. It can create intrigues, and gossip. It can be a deceptive combination sometimes or a self sabotaging aspect at times. It's only a short influence so we just have to keep our patience in check and not get too excited before checking things are what they say they are.
The Full Moon is in Sagittarius this June 2nd at 12:19 EDT. The full moon is always opposite the Sun, so while the Moon is full and accentuating the emotional realm, it also opposes the masculine side and pushes and pulls us around. Sagittarius is the sign of the philosopher and world traveller, savvy in worldly affairs and has an opinion on almost everything, and they will often be right. They have risen from the depths of self examination and solitude to see a piece of the truth , and they are more than ready to tell you what they see and think. They are optimistic and expansive and need their freedom. When the moon is full here, these qualities are intensified. Gemini is the sign of curiosity, duality and adaptability. They can shape sift to suit any person or situation if need be. They usually have a distinct inner and outer personality and world. They will often be a social butterfly only to crash and need utter solitude to re-balance themselves. They can be black and white thinkers despite this insatiable curiosity because they need to see the world through a "rational" lens. emotions are too uncomfortable and messy. Sagittarius isn't afraid of emotion, but they don't dwell there. They like action and passion. Gemini is multiple, Sagittarius is singular. Yet both are mutable =changeable signs. This makes this full moon a bit easier to manage since these sign s can both change and adapt if needed.
The main message I am hearing about this full moon is to stop faking it in your life. Check to see where you wear a mask, even if the mask is being sure of yourself ;) Check to see where you are nodding in agreement when in fact you don't. Look at where you are spending time with things or groups that don't really fit your deeper values,even if they are interesting. At some point we must pick something - including our ideas, opinions, and philosophies - and stick to it.
I SPEAK WITH MY SPIRIT GUIDE TO TRANSMIT THE MESSAGES TO YOU . THE REST IS MY OWN INTERPRETATION AND GUIDANCEMAY 3RD IS THE FULL MOON IN SCORPIO. AS I MEDITATED AND TUNED IN I RECEIVED THESE MAIN MESSAGES FOR US :* HIDDEN INTENSITY * MILD ACTIONS BUT POWERFUL EMOTIONS* NO DRAMA YET INNER REVOLUTION* STORMS SURROUND THE FULL MOON LIKE SMALL FIRES ON AND OFF, RADIATING AROUND THIS DAY FOR A WEEK BEFORE AND A WEEK AFTER* LONGING - WHAT YOU LONG FOR IS CONTACTED AND YOU NEED TO STOP SUPPRESSING IT
YES THIS IS A DEEP MOON SIGN AND THE ASPECTS SURROUNDING HER ARE POWERFUL AS WELL. PLUTO AND NEPTUNE ARE BEAUTIFULLY ASPECTING THE SUN AND MOON GIVING US A STABILITY DESPITE THE INNER RUMBLINGS. THERE IS A SQUARE FROM JUPITER IN LEO WHICH ADDS STRESS, SINCE THESE ARE ALL IN FIXED SIGNS. BUT SOMETIMES THREE STRONG FORCES IN CONFLICT CREATE STATIC TOO. ON THIS SAME DAY SATURN IS ALSO OPPOSING MERCURY AND MARS, SO WE HAVE ANOTHER SUBDUING INFLUENCE. SATURN CLAMPING DOWN ON COMMUNICATION AND ACTION, OR TURNING IT INWARD. THUS OUR MESSAGE ABOUT QUIET INTENSITY, GETTING IN TOUCH WITH OUR LONGINGS AND DESIRES. WE MAY NOT FEEL MUCH NEED TO SHARE THIS WITH OTHERS, BUT WE WILL BE MOVED AND URGED TO FUTURE ACTION. IF YOU FIND YOURSELF FEELING ANXIOUS OR SCATTERED, ANTS IN YOUR PANTS, TRY TO MEDITATE AND LET THE FEELINGS COME UP - YOUR OWN EMOTIONS AND INTUITION ARE ALWAYS THE ULTIMATE MESSAGES :)
REMEMBER, WE WILL FEEL THIS BEFORE AND AFTER THE ACTUAL FULL MOON
TAKE CARE EVERYONE
April 4th at 5:01 am EST we have a total Lunar eclipse ! This one follows the
total Solar Eclipse of March 20th. These are like book ends of a transformation
process. You may have noticed how much has come up to your awareness in the
past two weeks. You have likely felt waves of new wonderful energy mixed with some awakenings that may have been a surprise, shock or relief. You are definitely not
alone in this.
This eclipse falls at 14' Libra which means it is sitting on the fixed star of
Algorab - the crow
. According to this great article on
"This lunar eclipse falls on the notorious fixed star Algorab which has quite
a fearsome reputation. As I said in the Libra decan 2 post “it’s all wrapped
up in finest Venusian silk! This is where victims of the crafty crow come
unstuck. You can see your opponents from the more obviously aggressive
decans coming. But you just don’t expect such a low down and dirty attack
from your divinely adorable Libra decan 2. Never, ever, ever underestimate
Libra decan 2, even if they look like Barbie. A lot of them will play dumb deliberately. Gold-diggers and gigolos abound here…”
Crows are thought to be tricksters in the totem tradition as well. They are very
clever. They can use tools, create and play games, and remember a human by
face...and they have a long memory. The crow tends to show up when you are
about to undergo a big transformative period that often involves some sort of
death and rebirth aspect. Since we are dealing with trickster energy in this coming eclipse, stop and think of where you may be allowing yourself to be fooled. We may be
shown a blind spot - and it could liberate us or disappoint us depending on how
awake we have been to it in the first place.
This New Moon will be conjunct the North Node, opposing the Sun, Mercury and
Uranus, and Square Pluto - which by now you're used to hearing about. This means that
whatever conflict - inner or outer may arise, power is a part of this equation. One
party or side of you wants control, and the other wants to break free. The North
Node on this moon affirms that you will be following your inner guidance in the
RIGHT way if you trust your body and your emotions over anything else. Your
body will tell you what is the right thing for you to do.
Overall I am sensing a great relief with this eclipse. There is a sense of unfinished
business, and a shoe to drop - not in a bad way, more like a "hurry up and get it
over with " feeling. Just be honest with yourself no matter what happens and
allow this shift to happen. Your life will open up and the year is set in motion
for the Goat.
We so often try and try in life. We bang our head against the walls of our own and others resistance. We want to help, or think we're helping or saving someone. But there comes a time when you truly have done your best and must accept this and move on.
In early University at Queen's in Kingston, I was living with my first housemates. Six of us went from our parents homes, to dorms and to a house all within a year's times. That in itself is a big adjustment. We all brought our values and ideas to the place, but of course it was all unconscious - so the divisions began and got worse. By the time four months had gone by, there were rules about the fridges, and people sharing groceries but only with so and so, and TV squabbles - on and on it went. I was feeling very alienated since it was me who brought the gang together, found the house, cleaned it and brought all my basement furniture and kitchen supplies from home.
I was so torn about what to do I turned to my professor - a true spiritual teacher - and said, "Sir, how do you know when you should go back in and try harder and when you've done enough? He sort of stopped in his tracks and said, " If you have given it your very best and you're still not happy, by all means get out " It was the affirmation and perhaps permission I needed to let go of the situation. I told my own parents of my plan and made very quiet phone calls to other apartments. I was so scared they would all find out and come down on me even worse. It go so bad at one point that my former close room mate was angry at me over something petty and decided to invite my ex boyfriend over and kicked me out of my own place. I had been scapegoated, although I really didn't' see it until years later. I found a place and moved all my stuff out of there.
I'm the type who will endlessly try and reflect and self blame , just in case it truly is my responsibility or fault. I don't want to run away from life, and I don't 'want to give up on anyone if it's workable. But being left out to such degree was too much for me to fix, especially at just 19 yrs old. I never regretted that decision and my life got better from there.
If you are the sort who easily moves on then you may need to reflect in the other direction of why you don't try harder. However I'm"sure most of you reading this are the other sort like myself and have trouble knowing when you've given enough, tried enough and when enough is enough. It's never easy to call it a day. Responsible sensitive people tend to feel like failures for walking away from something or someone. But I say to you now as my professor did - have you given your all and you are still not happy ? Let yourself walk away.
This is where faith comes in as well. We have to Let go and let God.
Their karma isn't ours to know or fix, and we have a right to be happy
We all have certain thoughts that get us through life. Some help us or have their own mysterious ways of working things out for us. Others keep us locked in deep conditioning and play on repeat like a scratchy record. I believe that there are certain thoughts we need at different times in our lives to grow.
One example of this I'm sure you will recognize is when someone talks about a situation that is obviously painful or complex and say, "I don't' care". Well, that's BS and we all know it. So do they deep down, bu for that timing in their lives it is needed as a mind set to detach them and help them carry on functioning - or it's used to keep themselves away from taking responsibility. At any rate, it is a chosen mindset.
When I was detaching from a long term relationship where I was taking on too much responsibility for them, I needed to remind myself over and over - its' not mine to solve. This was counter intuitive to my nature at the time. I always feel what others want and need and usually jump up to give it to them. In this case, after soul searching, I needed to leave this relationship. IN order to negotiate the timing and feel my own feelings around it vs theirs, I had to practice staying with myself and detach from their issues. It was tough, but it got me through it and even to a graceful parting of ways.
To think this way wasn't my true nature, nor did it feel real to me yet, but the mind set of those thoughts mirrored what I needed to complete the process well.
Can you think of times when you needed to do or think something out of character to get you through a situation ? We often do it in situations that feel
like our survival is at stake.
We can also choose a mentality for future success
too though ! Can you think of a time you held a
great mindset and though pattern that brought you what you needed or wanted ? This is true manifestation ! Emotionally and mentally in line with a positive outcome and desire.
I love this excerpt from The Tao of Pooh. This is the mindset that changed my life. I rad it almost 20 years ago and the underlying philosophy that life could work without trying so hard, without strife....was mind blowing and SO comforting to my soul It flew directly against everything I leaned growing up. It gave me true peace. It also allowed the period where my intuition grew the most.
Trusting that things happen when and as they need to...without a sense of deserving it, or being punished if it isn't... without being afraid something will be missed if I'm not a work-a-holic, or hyper-vigilante...that I could access a side of life and myself that allowed a smooth ride and enjoyment. WOW! When I have drifted off into my old habits and then return to the Tao, life always deepens, calms and improves. We all make better decisions with a calm mind that is not judging. This is the mind set that gets me there.
What is it for you ?
Trusting Divine Timing
“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.”
Patience is the hardest thing to muster sometimes. We want what we want when we want it - just like kids. As adults we are supposed to be more mature and wise than that, and we are ...sometimes. Now. when we are impatient for love, wealth or travel we try to change our thoughts to manifest it. But craving and impatience aren't manifesting energies. They are addiction energies.
If we want things to come to us that we desire we have to truly believe we deserve it, be ready for it on a deep level, and be able to handle it and allow it in when it arrives. This path does work when you understand what kind of energy you must hold for it to work. But it is just that - a lot of work.
Our other option or stance is to
trust in the Divine timing of the Universe - which is beyond our control.
This is a position of patience and faith. It also is a path of wisdom because the wise know we do not find love every day or with whom we dictate. Wealth takes work, and the wise know that you work all your life to be an overnight success. Travel takes money and planning before the spontaneity comes, and other major decisions usually take a lot of little things coming together at once.
Everything has it's time. We know this yet we can't seem to stop judging ourselves and others for not having everything happen presto presto! If something takes time, people start projecting onto you that it must not be "meant to be " or that you are doing something wrong by not "attracting" it yet. We look for signs and omens in every little thing to tell us if something is good or bad for us. I am certainly not dissing sign and omens, but we really have no control over the timing of many things in our lives.
We can't force love, and we can't force ourselves to be ready for big changes.
Ask a former smoker how many times they tried to quit before succeeding and they'll often tell you they were finally, mysteriously or suddenly ready.
Readiness is an emotional state we have no control over.
We know how to lose weight, but we aren't ready emotionally to lose weight. We have dating services and meet people but we aren't' ready to trust anyone. We want to succeed at our career but we aren't ready for the responsibility it will bring when we do. We want to change home, city or country but we aren't ready to let go of our old lives just yet. We want to buy a new car but we aren't ready to be everyone's chauffeur. We want to have children but we aren't ready to give up our own freedom. The examples are infinite, and the reasons are often subconscious, so being ready for the change you logically know how to make is not so obvious.
We need to stop judging ourselves for taking the time it takes. We need to trust that there is a Divine timing we are not privy to, that says, hey! It's time now. You've earned this!
are ready now! It's over- its' ok
When we get too stuck in our ruts the Universe comes along to make us change in some way. We still have a choice at that moment, but we must change.
With health it comes down to illness or wellness. With love it comes down to being alone or risking being vulnerable. With wealth it comes to our sense of worth and comfort with our own power. And with other major life decisions it seems to come down to many factors aligning at onc
e that make the doors fling open and the path easier to walk.
2010 I had this type of Divine timing enter my life.
I felt compelled to apply to work at a Carnival
that was set up near Bromont for the summer. I don't' camp, but bought my camping supplies and had a lot of help volunteered to me to get it set up. I went up every weekend and somehow always had a ride offered. None of it was work. That summer I wa
s walking home from the Carnival grounds to the camp site and as I walked along the green paths with only starlight to guide the way I remembered my childhood in the country. I recovered a side of me that I had been missing - and decided to move to another area with more greenery. But I was resisting out of fear or procrastination - a bit of denial hoping maybe my current space could be ok after all. It wasn't. It was a need too great to be compromised anymore, and as I continued to hum and haw...my ceiling collapsed ! I saw my cat run for it, then a piece of plaster about 5 by 7 fell to the ground at
. I had to call the fire department and the police who came to inspect it. It turned out my new slum lords didn't' have any insurance on the building ( not good ). So I recognized this as my window. I withheld rent and moved out to my current place - full of trees and quiet :) Now I have the closest thing to country in the city. This is why my raccoons are so special to me. They visit almost every night.
I missed my deep connection to Nature from childhood. I consider this domino of events a miracle that propelled me into a new life.
I"m sure you have stories of your own Divine timings to share as well.
Sometimes the way it plays out is so perfect there's no way we could've designed
it or willed it to happen. No way!
So the problem isn't that things do n
ot eventually line up for us -
the problem is what we do with ourselves while we wait :)
True Mutual Support
We don't heal in isolation, but in community.
A sincere promise, coupled with a helping hand, can bring hope
where before there had been only despair.
I don't know anyone who isn't experiencing a lot of challenging self-upheaval
right now. Whether it is conscious or not is perhaps another story, but there
a definite shift happening that is forcing us to go within and learn to face
our deepest fears, let go of our oldest patterns, and heal. With so many of us
this space of reflection and degrees of personal crisis,
how can we best support each other ?
I was amazed how hard it was to find a definition or a quote about "mutual support". Everything was coming up about business models, or using the word enemy in the dialogue, and I thought, how strange this is not clearly defined ! we must all have some idea of what that means to us ? perhaps we are all idealizing it or fantasizing about what a truly mutual relationship would even look like.
I talk about this theme often of finding the boundaries between helping and rescuing, finding what is actually effective vs co-dependency.
This time I wanted to share a list I came across while going through old papers and photos. It brought me back to a grounded, sacred mental space about what giving mutual support actually means. There is a little tough love in here so don't be alarmed - many times what we call support is actually just enabling someone, pandering to their ego, or avoiding conflict. Since we are in the sign of Libra ( who hates conflict and will sacrifice herself not to have any) I thought it was a great time for this list:)
Guidelines of Giving Mutual Support
I will not help you stay and wallow in limbo
I will help you to grow, to become more productive, by your definitions.
I will help you become more autonomous, more loving of yourself, more excited, less sensitive, more free to continue becoming the authority for your own living.
I cannot give you dreams, or fix you , simply because I cannot.
I cannot give you growth, or grow for you. You must grow for yourself, by facing reality, grim as it may be at times.
I cannot take away your loneliness or pain.
I cannot sense your world for you, evaluate your goals for you, or tell you what is best for you in your world, for you have your own world.
I cannot convince you of the crucial choice of facing the scary uncertainty of growing vs the safe misery of not growing.
When I begin to care for you out of pity, when I lose trust in you, then I am toxic and inhibiting for you and for me.
You must know that my helping is conditional; I will be with you, I will hang in there with you as long as I continue to get the slightest hints that you are taking action to heal.
What this list describes so well is a stance - both in actions, mentally and emotionally to take when helping someone through a rough time. I love that it makes no assumptions that we are doing anything more than being there,
encouraging positive actions as defined by that person's goals and reality.
This is the piece we most often miss. Most of us project what we think will help, or change the person's life for the better. But how can we know ? The soul is intricate. The longings that crave expression may be something very unusual, unconventional, socially unpopular, challenge the values of the family of origin etc. I am a firm believer that we all have something inside that is desperate to find expression, and until it does it will push on your soul and create distortions in your life.
One of the hardest things in life can be answering : What do I want ?
So many people freeze on this when you probe deeper. So one of the dangers when supporting someone who cannot define what they want yet is to let them have space to genuinely explore it without our great ideas ( and of course so many of those will actually be great). We can't rob ourselves and others of their process, or they arrive down the road later at the same damn place as before...but with more regret the next time. It's more helpful int eh long term to listen and hold space for someone to birth themselves - as frustrating as it can be for the listener sometimes.
I also found number 9 very helpful in my own journey.
Pity is toxic.
We have to be very
honest with ourselves when we help as to our true feeling and vision of that person.
If you see someone as helpless - you aren't helping them no matter how perky positive you may sound in your words. If you believe someone won't find happiness, or love or success due to a trait or circumstance you find limiting to them - be very careful. Some things in life will change with motivation and support, others things are our cross to bear in this life time that we
must accept. having someone go against the acceptance of that type of issue is very destructive to us.
People sense insincerity. No one wants to feel patronized, or to have a fake cheer leader either. So if you are drawn to helping and supporting someone it's time to ask yourself you own motivation for doing it. If you can maintain a genuine belief in and like the person; if you know in your gut they can turn their lives around and you are willing to watch them ride the roller coaster; if you make no promises to take away their pain - you are safe to be that wonderful pillow we all need in times of distress :)
We have to be able to do this without hurting ourselves.
If we are the one needing support we deserve this from the ones we receive from as well.
You deserve a patient ear, a consistent friend, true understanding and empathy, and a cocoon to emerge from. We are in such times my friends. Find your true supporters, even if it's you and your own higher power or Nature. Soon we will all emerge as butterflies.
Trust and Intuition
Hand in Hand.
Even experts can't be 100% sure if someone is lying or not.
We are all subtle creatures when it comes to masking our true thoughts and feelings from one another and even from ourselves. The journey to trusting again after you have been around the block in life and have been back stabbed or mislead can be very tough for most of us.
I believe there are a few ways to look at it and choices to be made about how you personally want to live. One way is of course being skeptical and suspicious of everyone, getting them to prove to you to your satisfaction that they are trust worthy. Taken to an extreme this is not a pretty sight....you become paranoid and miserable. The other is to have a
view of the world that people are good until proven otherwise, and walk through life trusting blindly. This is also not great, because you can easily be taken advantage of. The answer is in the middle. Instead of getting lost in theories and strategies of who to trust, try trusting yourself! When we are betrayed, we feel hurt not so much because of the other person. The main source of suffering is self reproach that we didn't see it coming, or ignored what our intuition was trying to tell us.
Developing your own sense of a person or situation is vital. Throw out the shoulds, assumptions, and political correctness. Sometimes your bad gut feeling has nothing to do with being judgmental or racist etc. If something feels off to you, then it is off.....to you. It's your personal message that this situation or person is not right for you. You are not
another person if you own your own feeling. Many people get stuck here. If you just don't want to sit next to someone on the bus, it doesn't mean you are saying he or she is a bad person...just that you are not comfortable sharing space right now, or not with them. There are so many subtle and complex sensations we receive all the time that we cannot process it all and deduce...we have to get an overall feeling and act.
The more I have trusted my own intuition the more detailed and subtle it has become, and by deciding to trust for a moment that I'm right I have turned my attention away from the " maybe it's because of the weather or something i had for lunch, or because they look like my ex . ...type of thinking, and into the deeper layers of what I am sensing. I decided to trust myself and tested out what senses turned out to be accurate and which were my own fears and projections. You can too.
Here's you homework!
Next time you get a gut feeling and start wondering why or feeling guilty for having it etc. Decide that moment for this instance...I am right. Then ask yourself for more information about your sense. If you get a creepy feeling on the bus, ask yourself where you feel it ( your head aches? you are tense? your heart rate just shot up?) ask yourself what other things you can sense about this person, not to judge but to acknowledge your senses. Sometimes you will be able to verify them and when you turn out to be right your paradigm of life can change in a very good way.
You can also come to a workshop to test your skills
and meet others on the same journey!
After all the positive feedback I got about last month's article, I decided a follow up would be helpful as well. So this segment will go into another common behavior you can spot in a narcissist.
You will often see a narcissist with a following of some sort. If they are highly educated, for one example, they will not surround themselves with peers so much as people who are not at their education level. They need to be right, and admired at all times - so they have followers or minions more than friends.
These folks will stay by their side, do them favors, praise them and take their abuse - often while apologizing to them!
Here is an example : You are at a gathering of some sort with this person. They are charming and then all of a sudden something makes them very irritable. The entourage of the narcissist will try to placate them right away - offer them something, ask if they're ok, etc. The narcissist will never say, thanks, it's ok. You don't' have to stop our day for my bad mood. They won't say, I'm sorry,
something said just now triggered me. I"ll be fine. Nah...
The narcissist will gladly take the favor and not say thanks. It is owed to them
for being made uncomfortable. They will use some form of guilt that they were
made to feel uncomfortable at whatever triggered them, and their minion will
then apologize and turn it into their fault. So even if this person has ignored
you all day, cutting you off when you speak about your day to interject with theirs, taking the last piece of your birthday cake without asking - the follower will feel bad the second they
sense a shift in the narcissists' mood and try to fix it and praise them.
It's a very toxic. out of whack dynamic, but I'm sure many of you will identify
with it! Look at the entourage of some celebrities, politicians, or any other
magnanimous public figure and you'll see the groupies. So when the "friends'
and surrounding companions of someone with other narcissistic traits seem more
like slaves or a fan club to this person who clearly takes them for granted - you
have spotted a true narcissist.
Looking down at a handheld device, rather than into the eyes of your
conversational mate, isn't merely rude; it also sabotages the exchange of
nonverbal cues that help sustain rich and meaningful attachments.
"We're all facial coders," says Dan Hill, founder and president of the market
research firm Sensory Logic. "Humans have more facial muscles than any
other species on the planet, and we're hardwired to read all 43 of them.
Half the brain is devoted to processing visuals. To not use that ability is to
simply throw away precious real estate."
Reading others' faces and emotions is a key component of empathy,
and some argue that the ability or willingness to empathize is on the decline.
In a study conducted this year at the University of Michigan,
researchers found a 40 percent drop in empathy (as measured by
questions about feeling concern for the less fortunate and putting
oneself in anothers' shoes) among college students from 1979 to 2009.
A sharp plunge began around the year 2000—just as the digital era
as we know it kicked into high gear.
Aren't you craving better conversation? Do you miss the days we had time and no facebook or texting and just sat face to face in a park? I sure do. We are creating a generation of intimacy impaired kids in my opinion. "Relating" to a screen is not a relationship. It's a form of isolation in truth. We will never replace actual human contact or touch. The part that frustrates and scares me most is that the further removed from relating emotionally to one another we become, the more depressed, socially awkward and government/ advertiser controlled we also become. We must make sure we never lose the art of a meaningful conversation.
I am a part of the cyber world like most of us. I partake in facebook, I text, email, and call less and less. Personally it's because it's become the fastest or most efficient way to reach people. It's very handy to plan, or if you're running late. It' s fun on bad days to send a text to a friend and no one will know your "conversation" so you can have a running thread or window into your friends' life in a new way. What I find tiresome is the LOL! OMG! and CU L8R's...let's not lose our ability to write and speak in full sentences. We seem to all be so overwhelmed, over excited, ADD or what have you and are speaking and relating in sound bites like infomercials of ourselves. When faced with a dinner, a walk, time with no distractions...do we still know how to converse?
I don't see it much.
So many of us are DYING to talk and be heard. So many of us can't stop talking about our lives so quickly to relate in those minutes and seconds between things at work or even at home that we aren't even really listening let alone feeling anything while we share. There's no space! Instead we live in the voyeurism of Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I've heard and experienced some lovely reunions with people via Facebook, and it' sure cheaper than all the long distance $ it would take to chat to Australia or Seattle from Montreal. But I long for face time that is grounded, calm, empathetic...stimulating the brain in a creative way vs an adrenalised way.
I've had some real conversations this summer from starting an Artist's Way group. We met in a park and talk for three hours about art and creativity, themes that come up are organically explored. We are honest in our sharing, open in the flow vs controlling the flow...and magic is happening! Insight is coming, decisions are made easily, bonds are made that stay all week and beyond. We are sorely missing these kinds of dynamics in our modern society.
So I say have your twitters and I-Phones, but only as an enhancement to your intimate relationship, or as a business tool....not as a replacement. If your friendship only exists in cyberspace you are in trouble. How do you even know if you are compatible in basic human ways? Maybe you can't even walk down the sidewalk without wanting to kill each other? Maybe all that funny, witty or deep conversation only happens when the chat requires two people actually take turns talking? What happens if you can't handle emotions when with someone? We must never lose the art of conversation and intimacy. We can't let our society be eroded to the point of not feeling for others. Please, reflect this month on your usage of technology and the quality of your relationships, and change what's necessary. Push yourself to be outgoing with people in person. Let your feelings show to your friend vs crying behind a computer screen when no one can see you.
It's crucial to your emotional and psychological well being, and to the evolution or devolution of our society. Think about it .
The reality is that there’s very little conversationhappening on blogs. ( and I would add Facebook) What passes for conversation usually falls into one of two categories that look like conversation but aren’t really. These categories can be labeled as
1) Affirmation and Conciliation and
2) Pedantry and Venom.
In both cases, what that writing and talking is really about is inflating the ego.